Devil Dogs and Bulldogs

We all know this guy. To the left.
He's the Mack Bulldog.
We know the bulldog to the right as well and the two may or may not be related.
Let me state, first off, I was programed, at an early age, to have a problem with Marines.
First off, my Dad found their relentless self-promotion grating. Also, author and Guadalcanal veteran, James Jones ("The Thin Red Line" "From Here to Eternity") was at some pains to point out that the majority of amphibious assaults in the Pacific war were Army operations - and that, from Nov. 1942 on, the fight on "The 'Canal" was almost exclusively Army as well.
Myownself, the day after my arrival in San Diego (Boot Camp), we were told that all the urinals on the base pointed to the Marine Recruit Depot next door. The speaker (I later found was exactly two weeks senior to my sorry, recruit ass) added that the implied motto was "Piss on the Marines". We needed to have it clarified. We were rather dim.
All this is obviously horseshit, of course. But, we did enjoy one of the folktales:
AWOL's that mistakenly climbed the fence into the Marine base were kept for a week or so, being treated gently no doubt, then thrown back over the fence. This has as much credibility as the urinal story but it shows the climate.
In actuality, we'd sit outside the barracks shining our shoes, eating candy bars (I've never eaten so much candy) and watching those poor SOB's next door running 'round and round that dirt track.
Out of boot camp, I found out almost immediately that the Jarheads were just guys. Generally, friendly (I'm ashamed to say - that caught me by surprise) and, if they'd survived boot camp and a few months after, were as solid and trustworthy as anyone I've ever run across - and I ain't easy to please.
Anyway, the USMC is the smallest of the armed services so a little macho compensation is certainly understandable.
Besides, they've had no shortage of ass-kickers.

What's this guy got around his neck? Two... two Congressional Medals of Honor?
Meet Daniel (ya' gotta love that name) Joseph Daley
He's one of a total of 19 men, service wide and two Marines to have earned that honor.
The first was awarded for action in China - when he was a private.
My internal, congenital NCO is always more impressed by decorated enlisted guys. Officers "know" too many people.
As a Gunnery Sergeant, he received his second in 1915, Haiti.
Three years later, June 5, 1918, at Belleau Wood he gained my undying admiration.
Always a sucker for a great line (I like show-tunes too), I've remembered the good GySgt, since before I even knew who he was, for his famous rallying cry:

"Come on, you sons of bitches. Do you want to live forever?"

Might have been something in the air, It was a time for memorable utterances:
Two days earlier Marine Captain Lloyd W. Williams of the 2nd Battalion, 5th Marines responded to French advice to retreat,

"Retreat? Hell, we just got here."

Anyway, back to the poster at top; At Belleau Wood, the USMC earned the nickname of Teufel Hunden,"Hounds from Hell" (loosely translated)
Not many dogs look more bad-assed than an English Bulldog although the poster may have had a different slant if the pickelhaube had been worn by a rottweiler or a doberman rather than the wiener dog.
To the victors go the cool imagery I guess.
Both these symbolic dogs owe their existence to that pesky nuisance of a war that, at least, left the world "safe for democracy".
The dog on the hood is explained below.
The famous AC model was introduced in 1916. With its chain drive rear axle, the AC model earned an unparalleled reputation for reliability and durability, and was called on to help accomplish nearly impossible military and civilian tasks. The AC model was manufactured continuously through 1939 -- a remarkable 24 years, and 40,299 were built.
During World War I, Mack delivered approximately 4,500 AC model trucks of 3-1/2, 5-1/2, and 7-1/2 ton capacity to the US government. During that same period, Mack delivered over 2,000 units to Great Britain. These trucks did an outstanding job under very difficult conditions.
The story goes that the British soldiers ("Tommies") would call out when facing a difficult truck problem, "Aye, send in the Mack Bulldogs!" The primary, and generally universal, story is that the British engineers testing AC's and the Tommys in France said that "the Mack AC's have the tenacity of a bulldog." At that time, the symbol of Great Britain was the bulldog, and this was high praise for the trucks. American "Doughboys" expressed the same opinion of the truck."
From Mack's company history.
To the left, a Mack AC, hauling the Mount Wilson Observatory's 100 inch mirror to its home, 1917.
The Mack AC is the Mack Bulldog
The truck story is a good one as well. Not nearly as good as Dan Daley's but it's a truck for Christ's sake.
Besides, only in production for 24 years. DDDD was a thirty-year man.
For my money, the Garford , with its chasing-a-brick-wall-and-caught-it, visual appeal, looks more like a bulldog to me but the lads didn't have them in France.

To close, as I've got other things I need to write, an oddly ironic photo.
A postwar Mack hauling a Renault FT17 - or an American M1917, a Yank improvement on the French tank, too late to be of combat use.
The irony? Mack was absorbed (as I recall) by Renault in the '80's. They belong to Volvo now so it's all good...
I guess.
And, the distinctive, Bulldog hood with the rear-mounted radiator...
Renault

"Mouth Rape" Available Here

Every now and then I worry that Caribou Barbie will actually get traction.
Then I watch something like this...

Check out the clown with the "I'm a Right-Wing Lunatic" sign (1:36).
It's hard to know who these dinks are sometmes, so it's nice he's being so helpful.
Thanks Bro.
"Out of wedlock"? What century is this?
Let me just say, as the proud father of three bastards, it's nice to know there are people out there guarding our morals.
I was also happy to hear that the economy will improve if we "...just clean the house".
And here I'd thought the only bennie would be the ability to find shit (She shows up right after "right-wing-lunatic-guy").
It's almost hard to poke fun at these people. They make it so easy.
But Todd was pretty pissed.
He even looked up "despicable", a word frequently used by Daffy Duck, to describe that lowlife, Letterman.
I'll bet he's ready to head on down to Connecticut and rape Dave with his mouth.

Omega-con definition time: Public Figure.
"Public figure is a legal term applied in the context of defamation actions (libel and slander) as well as invasion of privacy. A public figure (such as a politician, celebrity, or business leader) cannot base a lawsuit on incorrect harmful statements unless there is proof that the writer or publisher acted with malice (knowledge or reckless disregard for the truth). The burden of proof is higher in the case of a public figure."

This ain't the cheer-leading squad, sweetie.
It's a hard old world out there.
And I don't even like David Letterman. He's on too late.
Olive Garden? What?

"The Fierce Pride of Americans...

The first “anti-stab” knife is to go on sale in Britain, designed to work as normal in the kitchen but to be ineffective as a weapon.

The knife has a rounded edge instead of a point and will snag on clothing and skin to make it more difficult to stab someone.

It was invented by industrial designer John Cornock, who was inspired by a documentary in which doctors advocated banning traditional knives.

Mr Cornock, 42, from Swindon, said that the knife will cut vegetables, but will make it almost impossible to stab someone to death and will reduce the risk of accidental injuries.

He said: “It can never be a totally safe knife, but the idea is you can’t inflict a fatal wound. Nobody could just grab one out of the kitchen drawer and kill someone.”

The knife is expected to sell for around £40-50 and has been tested with “very favourable” results by the Home Office’s Design and Technology Alliance - set up to research products that can deter crime.

Of course this is silly.
Industrial designers get paid for coming up with silly ideas and some, a very few, become something.
Five mile-per-hour bumpers spring to mind.
For any readers who mayn't be of a certain age, this was a government mandated "improvement' in auto design, circa mid-sixties.
It was touted as a safety feature while, in reality, it was bought and paid for by the blood-sucking leeches.
Oops.
I meant "The Insurance Industry" (How do you have an "industry" that produces nothing?).
They were tired of paying claims on fender-benders, poor babies.
Back to the silly knife;
This thing will do everything it's intended to - but you'll find it either difficult or unsatisfying to stab someone with it. Damn it!
But, the real gold in this story is in the comments.
I'm out of sequence but, who gives a shit. it's not like they go anywhere.
I'm starting with the "thoughts" of Angela, from Michigan. It's where I got my title as well.

While the Brits are apparently sluggishly imprinted to simply be content to assume their government will take care of their every need, the fierce pride of Americans is a far better tradition to embrace.

Angela, Fenton, MI , USA

The comments themselves, unedited are in italics.
The commenter's and their place of origin; in boldface.
My smartass comments appear... just like this.
Angela, thanks for sharing but I think the rest of the group has already gone out to the playground.
And herein lies the theme; The American commenter's to this article, which appeared in a British publication, seem to be taking this all a bit... personally.

I'm so sorry but I have to laugh. EVERY home has a screw driver. Stab all you care to. Who needs a knife?
Seriously, just how many murders do you have where the attacker takes a knife from the drawer (and doesn't bring his own with him/her)?
By the way, are you going to outlaw cricket bats?

Hobie, Shenandoah Valley, USA


I'm sorry too Hobie... that you're so fucking stupid.
Wish I had the figures and reference but I've read that a significant majority of victims of knife violence are hurt by knives from their own kitchens.


Hard to know quite what to think about a culture whose members no longer trust each other with sharp objects.

David, Raleigh, NC, USA


It is hard to think sometimes but, and here's the beauty part, this is just an invention - nothing more. It was endorsed by the government. So what?
Cool your paranoid jets, you loose cannon.



They've taken away your guns.
Now they want you to replace your steak knives and butcher's knives with these... things.
Tell me, please... what will you do when a criminal breaks into your house and points an illegal gun at your child's head?

Carrie, Virginia, USA

Ah. Carrie. A user of the literary ellipse you notice (like me - and Tom Wolfe).
Tell me please, Carrie. What will you do in such a situation?
Of course, you're more likely to be struck by lightning in your bathtub, but when have we ever been governed by rationality?
Carrie, this scenario simply doesn't happen, you dim bulb.
In the event it ever did, get hubby's hammer from the shop, the tire iron from the car (it should be in the trunk) but most of all remember;
THIS IS A PRODUCT, YOU STUPID SHIT!
It's not mandated. It'll die on the vine just like so many other stupid ideas that come and go. Counter top wienie cookers - for example.
If it catches on, Hell, don't buy one.
I just hope that Mr. Cornock can clear enough to cover his expenses.

Banning guns didn't get you anywhere. You're violent crime is just as bad as ever, even worse, and now there is talk about banning 'traditional' knives!? You can't regulate yourself into a good society.

Brandon, Arizona, USA

Yeah! You banned guns and you got nowhere. Not like our staggeringly successful "War on Drugs".


'The first “anti-stab” knife is to go on sale in Britain, designed'....by a fool who has never taken a Phillipino Escrima or Serrada class on knife fighting.
Does the fool know that of the seven strikes only two are thrusting strikes and the rest are SLICING strikes?
HAHAHAHAHA! WHAT A FOOL!!!!

TI, Chicago, USA, USA

What a fool indeed... (literary ellipse)
TI has taken knife-fighting classes.
Junior, see the link in the last post.
This one.
HAHAHAHAHA! I cut and pasted that. Ya think TI will get back to protest?
He seems to know how to work a shiv...
Shit. I'll just run him down with the pickup.

I have never seen a country go to such lengths to keep the people from "their own harm". Your boy loving politicians will be frothing at the mouth to get this out into Britain's society of defensless victims. Change your hand-holding govt, and arm yourselves. Only YOU can protect YOU!


Brian, Nashville, Tennessee, USA

Notice, Brian helpfully added "USA" to his signature, lest we think he's from Nashville, Tennessee, Republic of Siam.
And speaking of silly inventions; where's your spell-checker?
DEFENCELESS you ignorant twit.
"Boy-loving politicians" That's how you win the hearts and minds.

My God, your nation is rapidly becoming a country of wimps, cowards, half-men, pacifists, and girly men. It appears that the only people with any guts left in GB will be your alien Muslims. In a nation where everything is banned but liquor, drugs, and sex, you will have no manhood left.

walter billings, missoula, usa

Walt, your names are proper nouns as are the names of your town and all the letters in USA. Capitalize.
This clown lives in my old home.
All the money in my pocket says: He's a wannabe westerner, born in Dubuque, Palm Springs, somewhere else.
Manhood. What the hell is that?

Gear change; Furreners turn.

Two things my US friends; the British have been fighting wars long before the United States was even conceived - enough of this childish & macho yank nonsense about them having lost their will! Secondly, didn't the US who bombed Hiroshima & Nagasaki in order to take less casualties - hardly heroic!!

Andrew, Shanghai, China

Well said, Andrew, but it was because we had to see if they worked - and the country was broke.
Japan had lost the Pacific war at Midway, less than a year after Pearl Harbor.
The bombs were pointless.



I'd like to clear up a misconception that our transatlantic cousins have.

In Britain, no-one (as close to zero as to be statistically insignificant) breaks into houses and holds us at gunpoint, ergo, I dont need a gun to defend myself.

The knife is stupid, but your paranoia is hilarious!

Andy, Worcester, GREAT Britain

Hilarious rings true for me as well.
But ya' think Cheney can make it with a stand-up act?
Hope he gets the book deal closed before that old heart goes out. Tick, tock.


I say again - THIS IS NOT ENDORSED BY THE BRITISH GOVERNMENT, OR THE BRITISH PEOPLE - So will you all just GET LOST with the judgements about our opinions and societ y, BASED ON ONE CRACKPOT INVENTION!

Objectivity seems to be a concept that has been completely lost on many of the posters here!!

Gemma, Burton,

Hell yeah!
We'll temper that now with some fierce pride.

A hearty laugh at the brits getting defensive at the big mean americans.
Nanny state was always an apt description but this is taking it a bit literally, is it not? The large-scale equivalent of toddlers' safety scissors?
Next, will the police come round and child-proof all your furniture corners?


george bush, New York

Okay, just an observation; his capitalization seems okay until you get to his (pretend) name - and "America" and "Brits".
All lower case. Interesting.
And since that name came up...

To those Americans who see fit to condemn the entire population of Britain based on the actions of one deluded individual, two words...George Bush.

Andrew , Swansea, UK


Another Andrew, gettin' it right.
Saving the best for last;

So much anti-American sentiment here! The United States saved England from the Nazis for what? So you could enslave yourselves to socialism and fascism? That's what you've done. There's not a Winston Churchill among you.

Eric Bystrom, Miami FL, USA

This guy's punctuation is so good that I hate to point out to him that the second-world-war was fought (on our side) by China and Russia both of which were at it far longer and sacrificed far more than we "fiercely proud" Americans did.
And, socialism and fascism?
That's a hell of a combo.
My point, and I do have one, is this:
Isn't it time we quit letting the juvenile dilettantes like Hannity, Beck and Fatass Limbaugh tell us that admitting fault - or idiocy- or criminal behavior is tantamount to "weakness"?
Like they'd know.
And, in closing:
Is Eric Bystrom of Miami, the Churchill we've been waiting for?

New Product Line

I once went tiger hunting with nothing but a club.
Weren't you scared?
No, It was my gun club and we've got forty members


I've finally gotten around to addressing the needs of the most neglected members of the weapons buying public.
In these trying times it's not fair that folks who need only a cudgel, cosh, knobkerrie, trench mace, what have you to feel secure should have to make do with sticks and empty bottles and the like.
In the hope of alieveating some of this anguish, I offer up my two models of head-knocker.
One the left, a fanciful (as in; I know of no historic example but it could have been) representation of a club made from a steel handle and a grenade casing.
Many different clubs were made using these ready-made, heavy chunks and this grenade, the French Citron Foug could have been used as well. I picked it because it had an easy pattern to duplicate.
The head is cast in aluminum and filled with lead.
Next up, a fairly typical engineer-produced club.
The Brits and Germans both made them. Most English ones are studded with hob-nails while the one German I know of used horseshoe nails.
Mine uses neither; 16 penny sinkers with the heads heated and pounded square. Faker.
This information is provided so that folks might come to know that, they may look authentic (I hope so at least. They'll will certainly thump a melon) but they shouldn't fool anyone remotely knowledgeable.
They're both around 16" long and 2 1/2# heavy.
$50 each.

Here's How, Boys...

Ah, the Fairbairn/Sykes dagger.
I readily confess that I agree with every other weapon-obsessed geek, that the F/S dagger is a gorgeous piece of design. Very slim and elegant.
For the deeply obsessed it also offers a wide-open field in which to tweak out.
The Flook-book "British and Commonwealth Military Knives" covers the British F/S knives in a little over thirty pages.
You can spend hours there - and that's not including the ones from Australia, India et al. First pattern, second pattern, third pattern, roped grip, beaded grip, ribbed grip, smooth grip... it goes on forever, ZZZZZZZ.
It all seems a bit much for what's just a skinny dagger with an equally skinny grip.

But, I'm being unfair. True, I think it's an overly fragile thing that mostly coasts on it's provenance and its "Franklin Minty" collectability. I just think it's far less than an ideal "fighting knife" but I only feel that way because one of the designers had already come up with the perfect fighting knife, the F/S's stockier, older, brother, the Shanghai Fighting Knife.
I think my main problem stems from the idea of "knife-fighting" in the first place.
Good friend and faithful reader, Mad Jack sent me
"this link"
a few months ago and I've been slowly wading my way through it.
Marc "Animal" MacYoung validates most of my, admittedly conjectural, feelings about the prevalent idea of real-world knife-fighting. That it's some sort of mall-ninja, martial art rather than just an ugly, slashing, blood-spouting mess.
The proper use of the F/S, to my mind, is illustrated at top.
According to the handy chart, taken from Fairbairn's book, "Get Tough", the earnest lad pictured is trying for the carotid artery which, if he hits it, will put his mate out in five seconds and dead in twelve.
What's pictured is not, however, a knife fight - unless the guy in the extreme foreground is using some technique hitherto unheard of.
This is a killing plain and simple. Someone I recall reading once referred to the F/S dagger as "the sentry silencer".
Knife Fighting; it just seems a little tender for the whole dynamic, cut-and-thrust thing, not to mention parrying.
But, they weren't all scrawny little knives.

The top knife of three pictured (photo sent by good customer and rabid collector) is a WW2 British dagger with a wooden grip. There's minor controversy over whether such knives were ever issued but a photo exists of one being worn in North Africa.
It's a substantial knife.
Below that, maybe the most rational of all, an all-steel version.
At the bottom...
Well, that one was made by this company an outfit in NZ who are putting out these plated, highly-polished, stainless-bladed pieces of crap.
I've heard that they aren't shipped with any sort of an edge to make them "safer" in transit - and less terrifying to customs inspectors.
Four-hundred bucks for a letter opener.

"They're pretty Colonel, very pretty but can they fight?"

Pvt. Vernon L. Pinkley
"The Dirty Dozen"


To wrap-up this prattling treatise - and make it about me - which is as it should be,I offer my variations on the theme to the left.
On the left is one of my Australian F/S daggers. It needs some clean-up and for my little sheath-maker to get done camping and get his ass back to work.
Now let me back up a second. Above, where I linked to the poor misguided individuals in NZ, I linked to the page illustrating their version of the "Camp X dagger".
To make a long story only slightly longer, another good customer ordered something similar.
He's long-suffering in the extreme (as must be anyone who deals with me - I'm a flake, obviously) but a man of faith.
he gave me "creative control" on this one. Actually he said "Go nuts" (Well, I said that. he just quoted me.) so nuts I went.
Another exploration of the stacked-handle, theater-knife look.
Spacers are brass, aluminum, ebony and black micarta ("Plastics, young man. Plastics") with one skinny little copper one in the middle.

The "Montana Power Co. Knife"

A revisit to a knife I touched on briefly, 'Oh so long ago'.
Back then I said that it had been made for the war effort by employees of the Anaconda Co.
It all made sense to me.
First off, Bill Wright wrote it.
And, there was a big Anaconda Co. aluminum smelter in Great Falls.
I remember it as an aluminum smelter although in the beginning, when "the world's largest stack" went into operation, it seems the focus was copper.
Anyway, aluminum production depends on electricity - lots of it.
Recently, before our modern world fell apart, Iceland was building dams to power aluminum smelters. Smelters which would be refining bauxite (aluminum "ore" Aluminum is the most abundant metal in the earth's crust and only the second most abundant element - behind silica. Everything contains aluminum, some things more than others. Like bauxite - high-aluminum dirt) that came from ... somewhere else.
Enter; Rainbow Dam.
Aluminum plants follow hydro-power like buzzards.
So, new info on the "Industrial, Montana Theater Knives" of WW2.
Courtesy (again) of Frank Trzaska.



"We received from correspondent Steven Briggs a copy of the "Energizer" , a Montana Power Employees Magazine that is undated. In the company newsletter is an article on knives made by the employees in their spare time during World War Two. The article goes into some details from the guys who made the knives and where they were made, it is great reading. The knives have been attributed as Anaconda Copper Knives in the past and some of the work was performed there on them. The knives are actually Montana Power Co. knives as these are the guys who made them. Anaconda Co. employees stamped out the blades from power saw blades but all the rest of the work was performed in various Montana Power Co. shops. The knives were distributed to the troops through the many troop trains that crossed Montana. The knives were distributed directly to the troops. Overall they the men stated they made close to 1200 knives in 1942 & 43 and every piece of the raw material was "bummed" to do it. Great Americans!"


Can't add a thing, other than that; my first wife's dad worked for the Montana Power Co. - at Rainbow Dam.
So, I guess I'm pushing some connection in pursuit of sentimentality or some such silliness.
So be it.

More From The "FLASH AND VAL SHOW"

WARNING! Every video linked to on this post has 30 seconds of irritating advertising at the beginning. The payoff is: if you watch more than one vid, you only have to sit through it once.
There he is, ladies and gentlemen, the self-described "driving force" behind that hilarious show where the idiots of precision meet the wood-butchers.
We've touched briefly on this unhappy couple earlier. Now I want to aim my rocks a little more precisely (So that they, the rocks are "right" as opposed to "wrong". You'll see).

"There probably aren't many jobs that can be reduced to rule-following and still be done well. But in many jobs there is an attempt to do just this, and the perversity of it may go unnoticed by those who design the work process."

Find the above quote here, an essay by a seriously, over-educated motorcycle mechanic.
Val, Jurgen, Alan, perversity, you sick weirdos.
First things first, though...
Making fun of stupid people, the proud tradition; A pork-pie hat?
Or did Andre the Giant find Indiana Jones' lid?
Politics: Now Flash's are pretty cut-and-dried.
Val likes Sarah Palin. Ooookay, moving right along...

In the instance of fairness, I'm first going to dump on the illustrious Mr. Hopkins, a direct descendant of a signer of The Declaration of Independence. Take that, Mr. funny-hat, art-school boy, Palin-groupie.
Anyway, you can watch clips from the show on Discovery's website.
And, on this one ("Tank Wheels"), Flash and Bill demonstrate their ignorance of one of wood-working and stone-working's oldest layout tools, the divider.
These things have been around forever.
Hell, one even makes up half of the symbol for the Masonic Order.
According to the actual photo at left, it was in even common use back when God was on the job. Looks to be one of his first few days but he obviously knows how to divide.
Headline from our left-wing weekly from a few years back:
"Bush isn't a uniter. He's a divider. He's also a protractor. And he's not a very good ruler."
Flash, Bill, go home and Google "divider". Then come back tomorrow with a 100 word essay describing the use thereof - or don't come back at all.
I just demonstrated the use of this tool to my lad yesterday in aid of his sheath-making training and it struck me: As much as this must gravel Val and his girl-friend, Jurgen, the use of a divider begins with a huge error, then merely fine-tunes it.
Exactly the way bracketing does in artillery ranging.
Perfection is never arrived at, only approximated (Read; "settled-for", "A poem is never finished, only abandoned", W. H. Auden).
"Engineer vs Builder". Whoa, what an episode.
In this clip, Flash goes head to brain-stem with Alan, the first run engineer of the show.
Alan got shit-canned early on. He broke Val's saw blade ($120 at McMaster-Carr - for a 14").
In reality I think "Art-School" was intimidated by the fact that Alan had actual engineering credentials vs a "Special Effects/Art School" resume.
Besides, Jurgen, the poster boy for Asberger's syndrome, has to be more malleable (He works for Val after all).
In the flick, Flash and Alan argue over the "best way" to lay out the steps for the first project, the siege ladder.
Alan's take is that each tread/riser combo must be measured individually so that all the numbers spit out by the software work out.
So that it is "right".
Flash has cut a template to the approximate (read: close enough) shape of the triangle formed by rise/run. Then just "walk it up" the length of the beam. Simple, huh?
My advice to Alan: Find a house under construction and bribe one of the framers to show you how to lay out a set of stairs. The question of how many 1/16ths are in .32 inches will never come up.
Okay, next up "Function Follows Form" Jurgen takes a break from driving his mouse around and "helps out".
Note to both Jurgen and Val, Go out to any building site (Maybe you guys could ride with Alan) and check out the sheeting (the plywood "skin"), especially in the odd, out-of-the-way corners around dormers and the like. You'll see lots of scrap used up.
And, all you guys, stagger your joints. You're getting a lot less shear strength out of that thing than you could be (I'm talking to people on TV now - people I saw days ago. Gettin' scary).
But, I've got to stop now.
I want a new show. "Val Gets A Real Job".
It'd be sort of like that Nicole Ritchie/Paris Hilton thing.
What a cliffhanger. Every episode, you'd be wondering if this is the one where Val finally gets thrown off the roof.
Actually, I think he rates the Porta-Potty-tip-over-with-him-inside at best.
Or just keep epoxying his lunch box to the floor.
And Val, if you'd like to adopt my patented nom de plume, feel free.
Henceforth, thou shalt be called "Art School"; Mr. & Mrs. School's little boy, Art.
There'd be less sexual ambiguity.
You know... Val and all.

Live Footage of the Garford/Putilov

Remember this truck?

Just found this. A parade of Polish (?) armored cars as well as several of the Renault FT-17 tanks.
Just one Garford though. But isn't she sleek? She's about a mover.