What do you make of this?
Tactical Beard Owner's Club .
Beard renters may apply elsewhere. Thank you.

Actual photo, of actual beard-owner, from actual FB page and I am totally NOT making this up.

What's interesting, strictly for me, is that within twenty minutes of receiving intel re TBOC (Yes, they have an acronym - and why not?)... I found this nugget on Cracked.com (an institution long known for hard-hitting, in-depth journalism):
"4 Ways to Spot an Internet Bullshit Artist".
Okay, just to clear the air: the gentleman pictured above is not the one being referred to here as "An Internet Bullshit Artist". He's just a sad dork with some admirable chin-whiskers but not much in the cookie-dusting department. Good effort though.
Full disclosure: I found this great Internet resource via the Face Book page of a certain poser of some renown but alas, No credit to him.
Back to the TBOC: On their website - and yes they do have one - they'll allow you to apply for membership - only I've just discovered the place and that situation may be a bit shaky. Sorry if I've gotten the hopes up for some of you Tactically-Bearded outcasts, desperately seeking a home but it looks like the standards are pretty high.
I'd say... jerk-off a lot 'cause that helps push those whiskers out (good for the old prostate as well!) and, what the hell, it kills time.
But, as it stands now, I can't make the grade since all I've got is the upper-lip thing going on but maybe I can be grandfathered in based on this:

Or this:
It's a long shot so, probably not.
So what? I wouldn't belong to a club that would have me as a member.