1893 Grand Exhibition. The world's intro to PBR, hot dogs, ice cream cones and the Ferris Wheel.

1893 Grand Exhibition. The world's intro to PBR, hot dogs, ice cream cones and the Ferris Wheel.
A view through the wheel. The black, horizontal line is the axle, the single largest forging to that time.
"I don't make hell for nobody. I'm only the instrument of a laughing providence. Sometimes I don't like it myself, but I couldn't help it if I was born smart."

1st Sgt. Milton Anthony Warden.
"From here to Eternity"

Paul Valery

"You are in love with intelligence, until it frightens you. For your ideas are terrifying and your hearts are faint. Your acts of pity and cruelty are absurd, committed with no calm, as if they were irresistible. Finally, you fear blood more and more. Blood and time."

The Wisdom of the Ages

"When a young man, I read somewhere the following: God the Almighty said, 'All that is too complex is unnecessary, and it is simple that is needed',"

Mikhail Kalashnikov
"Here lies the bravest soldier I've seen since my mirror got grease on it."

Zapp Brannigan

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

The Horror... The Horror...


I had one of my more entertaining New years Eves in many years this time around. I spent a very productive hour or two alienating the Forum of Knife Snobs.
I don't want to get into tons of detail but the entire thread, all 15 and counting pages of it, are available for your viewing pleasure here.
The occasion was an informal "Best Bowie of 2007" contest. I have no illusions as to where I would place in such a contest, even run by reasonable, knowledgeable people so I wasn't out to win. Just provide some balance.
If you check out the other knives entered you'll see that virtually all represent that odd anomaly and bane of my existence, "Art Knives".
I initially come onto the scene in the form of the, below pictured Musso Bowie, purchased by my friend Joe in Roswell on page one.
After witnessing the standard BF, nose-in-air snobbery that met my pride and joy, and being able to leave no dead-horse unflogged, I "entered" my most recent BFK along with a picture showing the historic provenance of the major components.
Below is my accompanying text in full:

"Upon the recommendation of our friend in Roswell, I've decided to add to the mix.
The fact is: Gorgeous as all of the knives pictured are, they just seem awfully "precious".
My feeling is that a utilitarian piece of the material culture ought to be usable. Not that any of the pretty ones can't be used. It's just...would you ever be willing to?
Really, my whole trip is that I've got no patience to do precious and I'd rather sell 5 knives for $100 than have to look at one for $500. Adjust those figures to fit your own reality.
Anyway, this isn't my favorite Bowie of 2007. It is the most recent - and -it's got the most instructive picture.
It's a BIG d-guard, bigger than I generally like but, that's what the customer wanted.
The blade was forged from a piece of line shaft from the ruins of the stamp mill at the Thomas Cruse, Drumlummon mine in Marysville, Montana (background). If I had a gun to my head, I'd say it runs about 60 points of carbon.
The guard was forged from wrought iron, taken from a link of 1860's anchor chain (inset).
Handle looks like walnut but it's cocobolo.
So, there she sits. Please take no offense re my bad attitude concerning "art knives". I've found my niche and am quite happy in it. And, with few exceptions, all the competition is beautiful.
"Very pretty. Very pretty indeed. But can they fight?"
Donald Sutherland
"The Dirty Dozen'"


And the picture:
Now, I think I was pretty damned polite. But have a listen to some of the shit pitched my way:

A charming man who calls himself "Bladeandbarrel" and claims to live under a bridge fired the opening salvo with this:
"I would put the heat-treatment of any of the 2007 finalists against your knife any day. Just because it looks rough doesn't mean its tough, eh? "
Was that an issue that I'd raised?

One of my friends from the healthy knife forum, Ramanon (see links) wrote this in response:
"DBrock makes some awesome knives. Always a pleasure to see them."
Thanks, Bud.

Later, after more gentle persuasion from yours truly, one of the more entertaining of these invertebrates surfaced. This fella is named "Joss". I poked fun at his user name but was later informed that it is his real name. God, sorry man... He's from France. Jesus, Kevin, what's with you people?
Anyway, Joss says:
"...one thing you should keep in mind is that the vast majority of us are not knife users, we're knife collectors. ...Given that, why should we collectors buy knives like the one you posted, which might well be tough but is before all butt ugly? In fact, it is so ugly that your attitude makes me wonder whether you can make a pretty knife?"
Jeeze. Butt-ugly. Now that's harsh. But, not to worry. I've been called worse by better.

Kevin Jones who is, I believe another Ramanon denizen, informed me that:
"...you don't like "pretty" knives, and obviously know nothing about high performance forged knives if you don't think these can cut so why are you wasting your time on this thread?"
Now, was that a sentence - or a question? I don't like "pretty knives"? Did I say that? And what the hell is a "high-performance, forged blade" anyway? Kevin, (not you, Hapless French Guy) what is it? I want to know. Enlighten me.
However, his final point was valid. Why was I wasting my time? Hmmmmm Something to ponder.

Anyway, replies were posted. Mistakes were made. Frenchmen with stupid names were insulted. All in a day's work.
I attempted to raise a point that sort of illustrated what I was driving at which is this:
"Question: If the world ended tomorrow, what would you rather have;
a precious, high-performance "art knife"
Or how ever many of my own "Son of Gung-Ho Knives" the same price represents?"
That's me talkin'
Our old pal, Joss answered back:
"Yuk. There's no hesitation - I'd get one from my own collection. Your knife is ugly and looks amazingly heavy and badly balanced."
Could ya' die? "Ugly" and "looks ... heavy and badly balanced". It looks like it?
Boy, that shut my shit down. A guy in Seattle (Frog transplant) who admits to never using knives can pass judgment from afar. Amazing skill that.

Another guy asked who "lit the fuse on my tampon". He thinks the string is a fuse. Bet the Fourth of July really kicks ass at his place.

I'm referred to as a "talentless turd" at one point. I tell you. Ain't had this much fun since the hogs ate the hired man.
And finally, our cowardly old buddy "Bladeandbarrel" had this last:
'DBrock-"The maker whose crudeness is only overshadowed by that of his blades".'
Crudeness? Fuck you.
Why do I call him cowardly? Because he's been on that forum since Christ was a seaman-deuce (Oct '98) and his "profile" tells you nothing about him. Maybe he's been sneaking this onto his Mom's computer. It would explain why he doesn't seem to realize you can get porno on it.
Okay. As I said, mistakes were made. Snobs were insulted. The Danny was kicked out of the club.
Several people were quite gracious in addressing me and those folks have my respect and affection. Thanks. Obviously none of this was aimed at you.
The rest; you'd think I'd insulted their Mama instead of their purchased knives. I was never attacking the products, just the taste of those who bought them.

8 comments:

dwight said...

LOL. Enjoyed that. You're a crazy bonnie Scot.

Stephen Renico said...

Dan,

I'm a customer of yours and have endorsed your product.

Needless to say, I'll take one of your knives.

Assrot said...

I like that knife on the top better than most I've ever seen. I don't give a damn for nice, shiny shit that you hang on the wall and show off.

Those people with the shiny knives probably get together after a show and compare dicks to see who's is the shiniest.

Don't let them get you down. They wouldn't know a good knife if you stuck one up their asses.

:-)

Joe

Anonymous said...

that Musso bowie looks nice, although the brass strap along the top isn't exactly to my personal tastes. oh well, it still looks like a good tool.

but that D-guard bowie --- now THERE'S a tool if i'm any judge! were it mine, i'd use it like a machete's kid brother and likely chop and hack my back yard all to chips. congratulations to its owner and maker both!

(if i ever get a yearning for a custom made knife, i'll try to remember your name. i don't mind a nice looking knife, but i refuse to sacrifice utility and function for looks. those BF knives are very nice indeed, but i think i agree with you that some of them are TOO nice; i'd feel sorry to use some of them, myself. i'd prefer a fifty-dollar scandinavian-style blade to half of them, i could get more done and not worry about scratches and dings.)

knifetinkerer said...

I'd have voted for your D-guard Bowie. But I don't post on BF because many of the people there... well, they just suck balls. There, I said it.

KMB said...

Ah yes, another victim of BladeForums. I'm starting to think we should start our own forum. Banned From BladeForums Forum, no douchebaggery allowed.

Maybe these guys are magpies and are using their knives in building a nest to attract a mate.

bob r said...

"Crudeness? Fuck you."

Hey, drink warning please. I almost spit coffee on my keyboard ;-).

Ghost said...

Wow man, after reading that thread, my respect for you just shot up yet again. While I don't agree with all of your opinions, I got to say, mad props for "keepin' it real."

P.S. That Joss guy's avatar... wow... just wow.

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