Lot's of different pics of this sign.

Lot's of different pics of this sign.
"I don't make hell for nobody. I'm only the instrument of a laughing providence. Sometimes I don't like it myself, but I couldn't help it if I was born smart."

1st Sgt. Milton Anthony Warden.
"From here to Eternity"

Paul Valery

"You are in love with intelligence, until it frightens you. For your ideas are terrifying and your hearts are faint. Your acts of pity and cruelty are absurd, committed with no calm, as if they were irresistible. Finally, you fear blood more and more. Blood and time."

The Wisdom of the Ages

"When a young man, I read somewhere the following: God the Almighty said, 'All that is too complex is unnecessary, and it is simple that is needed',"

Mikhail Kalashnikov
"Here lies the bravest soldier I've seen since my mirror got grease on it."

Zapp Brannigan

Monday, February 25, 2008

Hey Joss!

"Yuk. There's no hesitation - I'd get one from my own collection. Your knife is ugly and looks amazingly heavy and badly balanced."
I don't know what possesses these people. Joss, The Frog Seattle-ite who gave me the benefit of his "wisdom" back at the new year obviously has no clue.
First, let me state: Neither Joss, nor any of the other folks at the Butt-Fucker (did I say that?) forum, have made any inroads into my eccentric, shithead ego. I'm not flogging this horse because my feelings are hurt. It's just that such smug arrogance begs to be slapped down. If they hadn't kicked me out, I'd still be poking at them.
Hell, if I lived in Seattle I'd be TP-ing Josh's house on a nightly basis.
So, without further ado, an exploration of the "ugly, amazingly heavy and badly-balanced" knife that Joss so eloquently described.
First: Pictures of two of the originals:Okay, to give the devil his due: These knives were production items, intended for ordinary, Joe-Sixpack types in the event their plane went down as in the case of the Royal New Zealand Air Force.
Alternately,the 1000 Marines under the command of the son of Col. Evans Carlson seem to have found them useful somewhere in the
Now, of course these poor schmucks couldn't have had any clue about what a "high-performance, forged blade" was all about, but it seems the shanks answered adequately. At least I've never read any articles exposing "The ugly, heavy, poorly balanced" knives the poor lads were saddled with.
Okay, history lesson's over, Joss.
Now, I can't speak to the "ugly" adjective. It's rather subjective. I will however, in the interest of fair play, toss old Joss the bone on that one.
"Amazingly heavy": The old girl tips the scales at right around 24 oz. No skinny bitch by any standard but, the nearest, presently-available equivalent, The "Case Alamo Bowie" (read: V44), according to ad copy tips the scales at 50oz (!!). To be fair, the Case is 1/2" longer in the blade... one heavy-ass 1/2".
Okay, maybe they're weighing it with the sheath...
On mine (RNZAF's) we come in around two pounds or so, sheath included.
Seems like "amazingly heavy" has been put to bed. Of course, there are lighter knives available, notably from this most-pandering-to-the-role-playing-cop-wannabes site: Dark Ops Knives.
These bad boys weigh in at around 12 oz. and, shit maybe you can cut a locomotive in half with one - but they're certainly pricey. I'll deal with these toys at another time (And Don, cool your jets!).
Okay, the "crux of the biscuit" (Rock and Roll trivial: What's that from?):
"Badly balanced:" Drumroll please...

A balance point around 3/4" ahead of the guard. Maybe I'm all turned around on this "balance" thing, but this seems pretty good.
Okay, I think I'm done with this poking at the idiots. If anyone still belongs to the aforementioned forum, send my old pal, Joss a link to this.
FYI I didn't invent this thing. "There's nothing new under the sun". Solomon said that, a very bright guy.
No, I just took what's already been made and did my pathetic best at replicating it.


The Earth Bound Misfit said...

Tag, yer it.

Andy Sparrow said...

Teehee. Dark Ops are "fighting knives" don't you know. And SWAT get in to alot of that! So they need balance damnit!
Just finished the Blair Mayne biography, and by all acounts,while planting demo on axis aircraft in North Africa he stuck thirteen guys in ONE raid. gotta be some kind of record. Bet he used a $300 Fairbairn/Sykes, how else could he have pulled it off?:-)

Anonymous said...

The crux of the biscuit is the apostrophe.

Frank Zappa


Anonymous said...

The crux of the biscuit is the apostrophe. Frank Zappa


Oliver Hart-Parr said...

Jeez, I get it, Anonymous.
The crux of the biscuit is, indeed the apostrophe. You win!

And Andy,
Shame on you. All those cop wannabes need their state 'o the art shanks - otherwise the real cops would pants them.

Assrot said...

I personally think the knife shown in these picture is a damn good knife. I like the utilitarian look. I hate shiny, pretty boy knives.

I like a good solid knife and 24 oz is about right for a man my size. With the excellent balance you show it to have, I'd say you can't beat it. I'd take your knife over any shiny piece of shit that I see at gun and knife shows here in the southeast.

As for "The crux of the biscuit", it was said by the same guy that said

information is not knowledge,
knowledge is not wisdom,
wisdom is not truth,
truth is not beauty,
beauty is not love,
love is not music,
music is the best

----frank zappa


Oliver Hart-Parr said...

Assrot! So nice of you to drop by.
FZ also said (back in the "Mothers of Invention period") "We're only in for the money."
Hey, that's me!
More profundity from the Frankster:
"Susie Cream-cheese. Oh baby now, what's got into ya'?"
"Destined to take the place of the mud shark in your mythology... the circular motion".

Don Gwinn said...

You can do whatever you want to Dork Ops. I'm OK with it.

Just watch out for covert deanimations.

Ghost said...

No... please, please tell me that "dark ops" site is a joke. You know how when people see something really revolting, they say it makes them want to throw up? I always thought it was just a saying, until I saw dark ops knives.

I mean seriously, it has a flashlight called Hellfire. With little clitoris things sticking out the front... I'm sorry, but I don't know if I can stay on this Earth anymore knowing that I'm part of the same species of whoever is behind in that company.

Stephen Renico said...

Criminey, those Dark Ops knives look like something made by the Borg in Star Trek. Ugh.

Give me a Confederate D-Guard Bowie any day.

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