1893 Grand Exhibition. The world's intro to PBR, hot dogs, ice cream cones and the Ferris Wheel.

1893 Grand Exhibition. The world's intro to PBR, hot dogs, ice cream cones and the Ferris Wheel.
A view through the wheel. The black, horizontal line is the axle, the single largest forging to that time.
"I don't make hell for nobody. I'm only the instrument of a laughing providence. Sometimes I don't like it myself, but I couldn't help it if I was born smart."

1st Sgt. Milton Anthony Warden.
"From here to Eternity"

Paul Valery

"You are in love with intelligence, until it frightens you. For your ideas are terrifying and your hearts are faint. Your acts of pity and cruelty are absurd, committed with no calm, as if they were irresistible. Finally, you fear blood more and more. Blood and time."

The Wisdom of the Ages

"When a young man, I read somewhere the following: God the Almighty said, 'All that is too complex is unnecessary, and it is simple that is needed',"

Mikhail Kalashnikov
"Here lies the bravest soldier I've seen since my mirror got grease on it."

Zapp Brannigan

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Things fer diggin' and stupid ideas - mostly stupid ideas

Shortly after our last visit to the fascinating subject of E-tools the WW1 anorak forum brought up another variation on the theme.
I'd known about this before but lent the book to my brother so it had slipped my mind.
Introducing (drum-roll or appropriate taunts and ridicule) the MacAdam shield shovel.
Now, we're going to look at a few other bad ideas, but this is one that was actually produced - on Canada's dime.
Okay, what we've got is a T-handled shovel with a handle that can rotate ninety degrees to the side.
Oh, and it's got a big hole in it as well. So, as the brain-wave went; when the handle was turned sideways, one could then poke one's rifle through that gaping (3 1/2" X 2") hole and fire in safety.
What a great idea. The Canadian Army immediately ordered 25,000 units (!) at $1.35 each.
Seems like a good price to me but I don't know what useless pieces of shit went for in 1914.
It didn't work - for any of its intended uses. It was too heavy (5lb, 4oz - The added weight being: enough steel to stop a bullet) and it was useless as a sniper shield because it wouldn't stop even the smallest caliber of German ammunition.
But the shovel aspect - surely no one can fuck up a shovel.
It seems, that the lads complained that a shovel with a huge fucking hole in it was of limited usefulness.
All was not lost though. The Canadian Government managed to recoup a whopping $1400 by selling them off as scrap. Sweet.
Okay, the Canadians learned their lesson. Now we'll check out some other stupid schemes that, thankfully, were never awarded a government contract.
This is an American invention, put forth by a gentleman with the unfortunate name of Clarence Weiner.
It tries to be all things to all men. It can be used a sniper shield - and the handy firing aperture can be closed when not in use, thus making it more useful for digging.
In addition, the handle is simply the bayonet which, God knows, has little use otherwise.
Past that, it tries to be a saw, an axe, a wire-cutter. Methinks it would suck at them all.
Sorry, Mr Weiner.






Another American stroke of genius.
You'll have to wait for the punch line though. But (giggle) any stupid idea gets far more stupid points if you put it on your head (Think: lampshades at parties. The date approaches).

Seriously, this needs more illustration.






See, your idiotic looking helmet - with the handle sticking out the back - is easily converted to a handy... scoop, I guess.
Easy-peasy-lemon-squeezie.






























Okay, I gave the game away. That was probably the dumbest but it was still Great War era.
Here's one from WW2 the big one.
What? This looks...normal?
But wait, this is an E-tool that does tricks!
I'm going to let pictures speak their thousand words:






















In the all-too-mortal words of Richie Valens "Oh My Head".
Thank God this was patented in February of '45 so there wasn't much war left.
Why, why do these idiots think hiding behind your shovel is a good idea?
I'll leave it at that.

3 comments:

Andy said...

So are you sayying the .mil is smarter nowadays. My ACUs beg to differ.
Nice punt gun!
Oh, and speaking of George;

http://www.youtube.com/user/pointblank4445

Dan brock said...

I'm obviously not saying that since a staff sergeant can't spell "saying".
What a video. I ought to post it on We The Armed. I belong. I'm one of them.
One query, since you've spent more time in the chowline than I spent being green-and-obscene:
If Georgie is 40 now, and was discharged in 1994 - and was an 11B - how in the hell was he ever "issued" a 1911?
Speaking of posers.

Andy said...

What can I say? I got promoted.
You belong?! you don't have a hair on your ass if you don't post them then.
Am pretty sure George served with some muscular minarchists, so they can't really say. Let's just say it involved EIBs and Air Assault wings...

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