"I don't make hell for nobody. I'm only the instrument of a laughing providence. Sometimes I don't like it myself, but I couldn't help it if I was born smart."

1st Sgt. Milton Anthony Warden.
"From here to Eternity"

Paul Valery

"You are in love with intelligence, until it frightens you. For your ideas are terrifying and your hearts are faint. Your acts of pity and cruelty are absurd, committed with no calm, as if they were irresistible. Finally, you fear blood more and more. Blood and time."

The Wisdom of the Ages

"When a young man, I read somewhere the following: God the Almighty said, 'All that is too complex is unnecessary, and it is simple that is needed',"

Mikhail Kalashnikov

Ya ever seen my house?

Ya ever seen my house?
Neither have I Ted! You douchebag.
"Here lies the bravest soldier I've seen since my mirror got grease on it."

Zapp Brannigan

Friday, April 01, 2011

April Idiot's Day and Further Pissiness


This fella's my homeboy, yo. Check out the... it's not a string tie. I'm not sure what you call it but it's way, waay wild-west.
Anyway, this dickweed hails from Basin, a wide spot in the road between Butte and Boulder.
You can hear what this (Bar owner) has to say about Montana's onerous drunk driving laws.
What a maroon
Finding this was extremely fortuitous for me as this, April 1, is the 35th anniversary of a formative moment in my misspent youth.
In the wee-wee hours (To wit: the hours that only folk who have to wee-wee should be up) I cleverly wrecked the first vehicle I'd ever owned.
Worse, I'd owned it for less than a month - a 1965 International Harvester pickup, purchased out of the five grand or so I'd managed to squirrel away during my 12 months in the Antarctic.
One of the bennies of the Winter-Over was 60 days of leave afterward and. This happened less than a week before my sixty was up and I was to arrive to pop tall at CBC, 31st NCR, Port Hueneme, CA.
My plan was to drive my new rig down there but, being that "the other guy" in this little escapade was a Burlington Northern, switch engine, I ended up flying instead.
Okay, alcohol was involved. Hint: If you're going to run into a train at 2:00 AM, don't have an empty 12 pack's worth of cans rolling on the floor (Hey, Keep Montana green).
Really kids; take this to heart - and not just the anti-littering bit.
But this nimrod (See video) doesn't want to destroy a vital part of rural Montana culture - and his owning a bar is just incidental.
Okay, in my last, pissy post I alluded to (Hell, I came right out and said it) to the fact that I retain some of the cultural practices of my ancestral homeland.
I'm an open container kind of guy. In fact, a former employer in Valier (A bigger wide spot a few miles off of I15 a ways north of Conrad) said, and I quote: "Don't leave home without it".
In fact, we negotiated the various expenses - he drove and paid for gas so I had to buy the 'drivin' home' six-pack.
For further insight, check out an essay entitled "Drinking and Driving" by UofM professor William Kittredge, a protege of my favorite poet, another famous Montana drunk, Richard Hugo.
It's a proud and... well... it's a tradition.
Let me be clear; 4/1/76 was the only big ticket I've ever received and occasioned the only time I've ever spent in jail.
A whopping 2 1/2 hours of which I recall little.
But, in my pathetic defense, let me say this: There's a world of difference between driving with a beer between your knees and driving drunk - which was clearly what I'd been doing back in the day.
The key is this: Don't be an idiot and, if you get pulled over - you're hosed.
Deal with it.
Above all, don't be like this (Republican - who'd a thunk it) dim bulb, Alan Hale.
Seriously!
Alan; play it close to the vest, idiot!
Folks will still be pounding them down at your place. You'll be okay.
Clue up, stupid. No one who gets toasted in your joint is going to be dissuaded by "considering records back five years in DUI cases"
Driving home on auto-pilot is already illegal but they're still in there, suckin' 'em down.
"Small business" in Montana will be okay.
Honest. Voice of experience.
With all apologies to any Republicans in my readership, what the fuck is wrong with you people?
It's getting so Sarah looks like one of the smart ones.

3 comments:

Kevin said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mveQCQ_58Ko

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zh8yzvs8EM4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOl9b80CR-E
(NB : about this one, see http://twitter.com/Nick_Nolte )

Andy said...

Funny that. Just finished a william Kittredge binge.

Dan brock said...

Oh Andy...
You should never binge.

Locations of visitors to this page