Big Bertha

Big Bertha
Circa 1940, on the streets of Rochester New York, Bertha does her work.
"I don't make hell for nobody. I'm only the instrument of a laughing providence. Sometimes I don't like it myself, but I couldn't help it if I was born smart."

1st Sgt. Milton Anthony Warden.
"From here to Eternity"

Paul Valery

"You are in love with intelligence, until it frightens you. For your ideas are terrifying and your hearts are faint. Your acts of pity and cruelty are absurd, committed with no calm, as if they were irresistible. Finally, you fear blood more and more. Blood and time."

The Wisdom of the Ages

"When a young man, I read somewhere the following: God the Almighty said, 'All that is too complex is unnecessary, and it is simple that is needed',"

Mikhail Kalashnikov
"Here lies the bravest soldier I've seen since my mirror got grease on it."

Zapp Brannigan

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Tandom Rangent or "it was lemonade once, this is gratuitous"

Random Tangent!
That's what I meant!

You may recall (Probably not) the seemingly pointless struggle I bravely powered through, ultimately emerging triumphant as... "The Guy Who Successfully Polished a Turd".

And who can forget it?


Boooorrrrrrin'.
It's right boring, innit?
I know.
Old news but I'm building to something. Honest.
The turd spoken of earlier has, in the past sixteen months been subjected to...
It beggars description.
Low-rent... "testing-to-destruction" would come close.
See, my friend, Donkey (I know, I know. It's Oregon) adopted it and then later (not much later) used it to build a cabin (Again, Oregon).
Not sayin' the hawk did a good job in the process. I wasn't there but, after the fact I saw the result and I can say, although Donkey's workmanship was a bit rough, it was solid.
My point and I do have one is: the hawk handled it. Still chop-able and smoke-able to this day.
The end of the handle was chipped because Donkey was throwing it at things...
Don't do that.
I'd like to be able to post a picture of it but Donkey was forced to move into yet another spot of woods that I won't be able to find until someone guides me there and he's in jail so...
But that was then and, near as I can judge, this is now.
A few months ago; a commission for a pipe-hawk: pictured below.
Nice... if I do say so myself - which I do.
Similar set-up as the earlier pipe-hawk. Leather instead of hemp. Myrtle instead of yew.
I test-drove it a few times before I sent it to live at its new home and, I must confess, I was so taken with the whole thing that I took my remaining Harbor-Freight, 24oz ball-peen hammer head and made the subject of this entire, pointless entry.

That's it above - and in the pic at the top of the page as well.
I tried to bare-bones it insofar as possible.
Having found that the Donkey test case was only failing in the wood around the head and that such wood was purely camouflage. Nothing but stage-dressing, hiding the true source of the invincibility.

"I bought 3' of 1/2 X 1/2 X 1/8" angle iron, cut it in half and welded the two pieces together
lengthwise.
I welded them up oriented as shown to the left which gave me a hollow rectangle 5/8 X 1/2" and 18" long."


Stirring prose.
With this one I eliminated the wood entirely - at least near the head. Instead I wrapped a piece of steel around it and blobbed-on some of my always expert welding to stick it in place.

At the other, rather phallic-looking end, a piece of ebonized walnut was wrapped around it and finished to a rounded-rectangle cross-section.
The exposed, welded-up, steel angle was covered with black leather and the wood was covered with the same leather - but flesh-side out.
All the steel has been blackened.
Don't know what to call it but it looks Orcish to me.
Anyway, I'm making these things now.
You can smoke with it. You can chop with it. Makes mountains of coleslaw!
$180.

Don't ignore this update.
Bastille Day - Lemonade Lives!


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