"I don't make hell for nobody. I'm only the instrument of a laughing providence. Sometimes I don't like it myself, but I couldn't help it if I was born smart."

1st Sgt. Milton Anthony Warden.
"From here to Eternity"

Paul Valery

"You are in love with intelligence, until it frightens you. For your ideas are terrifying and your hearts are faint. Your acts of pity and cruelty are absurd, committed with no calm, as if they were irresistible. Finally, you fear blood more and more. Blood and time."

The Wisdom of the Ages

"When a young man, I read somewhere the following: God the Almighty said, 'All that is too complex is unnecessary, and it is simple that is needed',"

Mikhail Kalashnikov

Ya ever seen my house?

Ya ever seen my house?
Neither have I Ted! You douchebag.
"Here lies the bravest soldier I've seen since my mirror got grease on it."

Zapp Brannigan

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Just In Time For Christmas

This is an idiotic idea.
Glad I got that off my chest - but really, a tiny, little knife to stick onto the end of your rail-equipped-mega-ginormous-mag-capacity handgun... just in case - you shot all your rounds and missed...
or there were more of the bad guys than your expert marksmanship could dispatch - even though you tried to fire so that each your bullets would go penetrate at least two of them.
But, at the end of the day, how did you holster the thing?

I'm not being purposely demeaning when I say "tiny, little". It really is little _ five and three-quarters inches, total.
Yet, it looks like a full-sized knife, one that might fit into someone's hand rather than disappear into it.
Okay, so it's not really a knife per se (Whatever the fuck does that means). It's a "Pistol Bayonet", God save us.
But - it's got a little handle. That noun implies a hand.
Perhaps Patti Playpal can use it when she needs to go tactical in the ugly world of companion dolls.
Seriously, this thing is naught but a Travis Bickel accessory - not that there's anything wrong with that.

Buy it here.
The dumb idea had its precedents though...
But not... please not the venerable .455 Webley?
Sad but true.
Regardless, patented or no, Mr. Greener's invention never made it into production thus averting untold accidental discharges whilst cutting up some fruitcake from home. Kidding, in reality, they would just shoot the FC apart.
Actually, and in this regard it differs strongly from the modern, far-more stupid, Patti Playpal version of same, this blade would actually be a useful, sharp, pointy thing when dismounted from the pistol.
But, methinks, in the real world, the bayonet portion would be serving admirably as tent pegs - all up and down the front.

See, to me the basic issue is - and it's best addressed by whoever the defrocked pyschiatrist who worked in the cold room at the supermarket (Robin Williams) was (movie, "Dead Again")
... which personage said (poorly remembered); "You either are a smoker or you are not. Decide which you are and be that thing."
Spoken to Kenneth Brannagh.
Those above are pistols - first and foremost. One strong point in favor of having a pistol is then you don't need a knife - except to cut your bacon.
So, why lumber-up the operation of your pistol with this accessory which, if you ever happen to use it, is only brought into play when you're well and totally fucked.
Why not get the best from your pistol, then when it's empty, toss it and pull your knife - in the event your life has gotten that interesting all of a sudden.
No pressure. Just think about it.
The fish-nor-fowl game has had a better outcome - even to the point that the stupid idea formed a vital link in the evolution of yet a different, vital category of cutlery, the switchblade.

Now this is getting it right.
This is a knife. A big, honking switchblade - I'm thinking bosun's mate's knives size - 4... 5' blade - with a pinfire revolver mounted topside.
Yeah, that works although I'm hoping the trigger folds. Maybe it also releases the blade. In comparing it to my switchblade, the barrel would be serving as the blade lock so I'm not at all sure how it functions or even if it's a switchblade.
Let's leave behind entirely this idiocy of sticking a knife onto a gun and look at it from the other angle.
First off, back in the day, a pistol had one shot but a knife - or rather a cutlass, the idiot-proof, compact, maritime version of the sword - could hack away indefinitely once your one ball had been shot.
In 1838, in keeping with the space-saving, multi-functionality illustrated by the
boarding axe
, the USN developed the Elgin cutlass pistol.
The very first percussion cap arm adopted by the Navy, .54 caliber.

It proved unpopular with the lads however.
It was replaced by the M1860 cutlass which remained an official weapon of the USN until 1949.
That would seem to have been a stunning referendum on the efficacy of the pistol portion of the combination.















Below, a French or Belgian pinfire. Nothing particularly original there.















But this one, 12mm pinfire, but the barrel is forged together with the blade.

Okay, finally my pick of the bunch.
The photos below came from an auction site where the unit pictured, #64 of a series of 90, brought in around nine large.
The name is what won me over; The Swedish Prison Guards Bowie. Not something you see every day.
Quoted from the financially strapped (take a number) Wiki:

"Another notable example of a pistol sword was the Swedish 1865 Cutlass Pistol; 500 were ordered by the government and issued to prison guards. It was a breech-loading 2 shot weapon with a 14in by 2in blade weighing 2.5lb. A few ended up on the other side of the Atlantic and one became part of Buffalo Bill's gun collection."

I'm not sure how the breech-loading bit works but other than that it's a big-ass knife with a .38 barrel on either side.
Each barrel has its own hammer in the upper-quillon. Each one, when cocked unfolds a separate trigger.
Still, two shots into the fray and you're stuck with nothing but a big knife with a clumsy grip.
This next is possibly the most lucid attempt yet.
It's compact, easily holstered and it's got Wyatt Earp's picture on it.

Despair not! The stupid idea lives on...
Here.
They look to be a well-made thing and, since it's a knife-with-a-gun not the other way around it works.
The company should be applauded for the interchangeable barrel sleeves if nothing else.

4 comments:

Assrot said...

I hope you have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Joe

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

Stupid looking as it is, there is one useful application I can think of--preventing a person from trying to push the gun out of the way. 'Course I don't ever expect I'll be in that sitation.

Katagelan said...

The swedish cutlass looks similar to Dumonthier's model.

http://littlegun.info/arme%20francaise/artisans%20c%20d/a%20dumonthier%20gb.htm

What do you mean by clumsy grip ?

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