"I don't make hell for nobody. I'm only the instrument of a laughing providence. Sometimes I don't like it myself, but I couldn't help it if I was born smart."

1st Sgt. Milton Anthony Warden.
"From here to Eternity"

Paul Valery

"You are in love with intelligence, until it frightens you. For your ideas are terrifying and your hearts are faint. Your acts of pity and cruelty are absurd, committed with no calm, as if they were irresistible. Finally, you fear blood more and more. Blood and time."

The Wisdom of the Ages

"When a young man, I read somewhere the following: God the Almighty said, 'All that is too complex is unnecessary, and it is simple that is needed',"

Mikhail Kalashnikov

Ya ever seen my house?

Ya ever seen my house?
Neither have I Ted! You douchebag.
"Here lies the bravest soldier I've seen since my mirror got grease on it."

Zapp Brannigan

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

"The Fierce Pride of Americans...


The first “anti-stab” knife is to go on sale in Britain, designed to work as normal in the kitchen but to be ineffective as a weapon.

The knife has a rounded edge instead of a point and will snag on clothing and skin to make it more difficult to stab someone.

It was invented by industrial designer John Cornock, who was inspired by a documentary in which doctors advocated banning traditional knives.

Mr Cornock, 42, from Swindon, said that the knife will cut vegetables, but will make it almost impossible to stab someone to death and will reduce the risk of accidental injuries.

He said: “It can never be a totally safe knife, but the idea is you can’t inflict a fatal wound. Nobody could just grab one out of the kitchen drawer and kill someone.”

The knife is expected to sell for around £40-50 and has been tested with “very favourable” results by the Home Office’s Design and Technology Alliance - set up to research products that can deter crime.


Of course this is silly.
Industrial designers get paid for coming up with silly ideas and some, a very few, become something.
Five mile-per-hour bumpers spring to mind.
For any readers who mayn't be of a certain age, this was a government mandated "improvement' in auto design, circa mid-sixties.
It was touted as a safety feature while, in reality, it was bought and paid for by the blood-sucking leeches.
Oops.
I meant "The Insurance Industry" (How do you have an "industry" that produces nothing?).
They were tired of paying claims on fender-benders, poor babies.
Back to the silly knife;
This thing will do everything it's intended to - but you'll find it either difficult or unsatisfying to stab someone with it. Damn it!
But, the real gold in this story is in the comments.
I'm out of sequence but, who gives a shit. it's not like they go anywhere.
I'm starting with the "thoughts" of Angela, from Michigan. It's where I got my title as well.

While the Brits are apparently sluggishly imprinted to simply be content to assume their government will take care of their every need, the fierce pride of Americans is a far better tradition to embrace.

Angela, Fenton, MI , USA

The comments themselves, unedited are in italics.
The commenter's and their place of origin; in boldface.
My smartass comments appear... just like this.
Angela, thanks for sharing but I think the rest of the group has already gone out to the playground.
And herein lies the theme; The American commenter's to this article, which appeared in a British publication, seem to be taking this all a bit... personally.

I'm so sorry but I have to laugh. EVERY home has a screw driver. Stab all you care to. Who needs a knife?
Seriously, just how many murders do you have where the attacker takes a knife from the drawer (and doesn't bring his own with him/her)?
By the way, are you going to outlaw cricket bats?


Hobie, Shenandoah Valley, USA


I'm sorry too Hobie... that you're so fucking stupid.
Wish I had the figures and reference but I've read that a significant majority of victims of knife violence are hurt by knives from their own kitchens.


Hard to know quite what to think about a culture whose members no longer trust each other with sharp objects.

David, Raleigh, NC, USA


It is hard to think sometimes but, and here's the beauty part, this is just an invention - nothing more. It was endorsed by the government. So what?
Cool your paranoid jets, you loose cannon.



They've taken away your guns.
Now they want you to replace your steak knives and butcher's knives with these... things.
Tell me, please... what will you do when a criminal breaks into your house and points an illegal gun at your child's head?


Carrie, Virginia, USA

Ah. Carrie. A user of the literary ellipse you notice (like me - and Tom Wolfe).
Tell me please, Carrie. What will you do in such a situation?
Of course, you're more likely to be struck by lightning in your bathtub, but when have we ever been governed by rationality?
Carrie, this scenario simply doesn't happen, you dim bulb.
In the event it ever did, get hubby's hammer from the shop, the tire iron from the car (it should be in the trunk) but most of all remember;
THIS IS A PRODUCT, YOU STUPID SHIT!
It's not mandated. It'll die on the vine just like so many other stupid ideas that come and go. Counter top wienie cookers - for example.
If it catches on, Hell, don't buy one.
I just hope that Mr. Cornock can clear enough to cover his expenses.

Banning guns didn't get you anywhere. You're violent crime is just as bad as ever, even worse, and now there is talk about banning 'traditional' knives!? You can't regulate yourself into a good society.

Brandon, Arizona, USA

Yeah! You banned guns and you got nowhere. Not like our staggeringly successful "War on Drugs".


'The first “anti-stab” knife is to go on sale in Britain, designed'....by a fool who has never taken a Phillipino Escrima or Serrada class on knife fighting.
Does the fool know that of the seven strikes only two are thrusting strikes and the rest are SLICING strikes?
HAHAHAHAHA! WHAT A FOOL!!!!


TI, Chicago, USA, USA

What a fool indeed... (literary ellipse)
TI has taken knife-fighting classes.
Junior, see the link in the last post.
This one.
HAHAHAHAHA! I cut and pasted that. Ya think TI will get back to protest?
He seems to know how to work a shiv...
Shit. I'll just run him down with the pickup.

I have never seen a country go to such lengths to keep the people from "their own harm". Your boy loving politicians will be frothing at the mouth to get this out into Britain's society of defensless victims. Change your hand-holding govt, and arm yourselves. Only YOU can protect YOU!


Brian, Nashville, Tennessee, USA


Notice, Brian helpfully added "USA" to his signature, lest we think he's from Nashville, Tennessee, Republic of Siam.
And speaking of silly inventions; where's your spell-checker?
DEFENCELESS you ignorant twit.
"Boy-loving politicians" That's how you win the hearts and minds.

My God, your nation is rapidly becoming a country of wimps, cowards, half-men, pacifists, and girly men. It appears that the only people with any guts left in GB will be your alien Muslims. In a nation where everything is banned but liquor, drugs, and sex, you will have no manhood left.

walter billings, missoula, usa

Walt, your names are proper nouns as are the names of your town and all the letters in USA. Capitalize.
This clown lives in my old home.
All the money in my pocket says: He's a wannabe westerner, born in Dubuque, Palm Springs, somewhere else.
Manhood. What the hell is that?

Gear change; Furreners turn.

Two things my US friends; the British have been fighting wars long before the United States was even conceived - enough of this childish & macho yank nonsense about them having lost their will! Secondly, didn't the US who bombed Hiroshima & Nagasaki in order to take less casualties - hardly heroic!!

Andrew, Shanghai, China

Well said, Andrew, but it was because we had to see if they worked - and the country was broke.
Japan had lost the Pacific war at Midway, less than a year after Pearl Harbor.
The bombs were pointless.



I'd like to clear up a misconception that our transatlantic cousins have.

In Britain, no-one (as close to zero as to be statistically insignificant) breaks into houses and holds us at gunpoint, ergo, I dont need a gun to defend myself.

The knife is stupid, but your paranoia is hilarious!


Andy, Worcester, GREAT Britain


Hilarious rings true for me as well.
But ya' think Cheney can make it with a stand-up act?
Hope he gets the book deal closed before that old heart goes out. Tick, tock.


I say again - THIS IS NOT ENDORSED BY THE BRITISH GOVERNMENT, OR THE BRITISH PEOPLE - So will you all just GET LOST with the judgements about our opinions and societ y, BASED ON ONE CRACKPOT INVENTION!

Objectivity seems to be a concept that has been completely lost on many of the posters here!!

Gemma, Burton,

Hell yeah!
We'll temper that now with some fierce pride.

A hearty laugh at the brits getting defensive at the big mean americans.
Nanny state was always an apt description but this is taking it a bit literally, is it not? The large-scale equivalent of toddlers' safety scissors?
Next, will the police come round and child-proof all your furniture corners?


george bush, New York

Okay, just an observation; his capitalization seems okay until you get to his (pretend) name - and "America" and "Brits".
All lower case. Interesting.
And since that name came up...

To those Americans who see fit to condemn the entire population of Britain based on the actions of one deluded individual, two words...George Bush.

Andrew , Swansea, UK


Another Andrew, gettin' it right.
Saving the best for last;

So much anti-American sentiment here! The United States saved England from the Nazis for what? So you could enslave yourselves to socialism and fascism? That's what you've done. There's not a Winston Churchill among you.

Eric Bystrom, Miami FL, USA


This guy's punctuation is so good that I hate to point out to him that the second-world-war was fought (on our side) by China and Russia both of which were at it far longer and sacrificed far more than we "fiercely proud" Americans did.
And, socialism and fascism?
That's a hell of a combo.
My point, and I do have one, is this:
Isn't it time we quit letting the juvenile dilettantes like Hannity, Beck and Fatass Limbaugh tell us that admitting fault - or idiocy- or criminal behavior is tantamount to "weakness"?
Like they'd know.
And, in closing:
Is Eric Bystrom of Miami, the Churchill we've been waiting for?

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